Using A Cappella To Take Over the World

Absurdist A Cappella

This time we discuss using a cappella to take over the world.

Setting the Stage: Some groups focus on mastering just a few songs, so as to put on good shows for their campus communities. Others tour surrounding schools, or surrounding states, or across the country or across oceans. Some compete, with goals of international championships.

And then there are those groups that look beyond the stage and traditional a cappella groups. Take a group like Acasola which had a five year plan that included buying a group house.

Why not take this one step further to accomplish an even greater goal? Fame? Fortune? Attention from the opposite sex? It’s all been done. World domination? Now there’s a goal worth striving for.

Song Selection: If you’re going to take over the world you need a cohesive identity, and ideally a serious, intense one. This means no Tears for Fears “Everybody Wants The Rule World.” Too ironic, too cute. We’re looking for entries along the lines of Metallica’s “Enter Sandman,” Fort Minor’s “Remember The Name,” or Bob Seger’s “Turn The Page.”

Setting: If you want to take the world by storm, you have to get the world watching. Start with the biggest stage on your campus, and invite local booking agents (considering giving them free tickets to the show, even if there’s no cost of admission anyway. When people feel as though they’re getting a deal, they’re significantly more likely to show up). From there, play the biggest venue in your town, and make sure the local news media is there to cover it. Use this local news footage to conjure up a big city show or two. Record those shows for CD and DVD releases. Before you know it, you guessed it, you’ll rule the world.

Choreography: When world domination is the goal you need think about choreography that will be intimidating and menacing to make you seem bad ass even while you are singing “joom-joom-jinga-jinga” syllables. Consider some slow motion stalking, posturing and posing, and make sure everyone scowls a lot.

Other Notes: We realize that we haven’t exactly lain out a clear path to world domination in his column, but we like to think that if you follow the steps that are outlined here, the path to the top will make itself clear. Think we’re kidding? You’ll never know for sure unless you try.