How to Stave Off a Zombie Apocalypse
The world of collegiate a cappella is quirky, fun, and a little out there. In the celebration of these qualities, we take a look at ways of making a cappella even unique, outlandish, and—well—absurd. We claim no responsibility for the results of actually trying anything we suggest here.
This time we discuss how to stave off a zombie apocalypse.
Setting the Stage: It’s only a matter of time. One day, the ratio of zombies to ordinary human beings is going to reach a tipping point, where
Song Selection: There are two schools of thought when plotting an anti-zombie a cappella set. The first is to sing soft and low, soothing sounds so as to not rile the zombie population into any more than their default state of frenzy; to hopefully calm them a bit, and get them thinking about something other than eating your brain. The other school of thought is to perform something of a tribute to the zombies, in an attempt to win their affections. The most obvious example would be Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” You might also consider The Cranberries’ “Zombie”—it’s not really about literal zombies, but zombies aren’t known for making such fine-tuned distinctions.
Setting: Again we have two schools of thought. On one hand, you’d like to get into a space where you have your back to a wall, such that the zombies can’t surround you and get at you from all sides should things go bad. On the other hand, if things really are going to go bad, it’s probably your best bet to be in a relatively open space so you’ll have plenty of room to make a run for it. This one is a toss up.
Choreography: It’s a known fact—zombies love choreography. Perhaps it’s on account of their own natural lack of grace, but when they can see well-coordinated movement, they find it mesmerizing. This is why “Thriller” was such a zombie hit—it demonstrated that even when your movement was stilted, there was the potential to create an illusion of fluidity if you coordinated well enough with your whole posse and had a catchy beat.
Other Notes: Let’s face it—in the event of an actual zombie apocalypse, your a cappella group does not stand a great chance of beating it back. Worst case, scenario, though, when the zombies come calling, you’ll want to have a posse together such that you’ll be able to fight them off for as long as possible. What better posse than the folks you know and love from your a cappella group?